HGTV has done me in...

Perhaps, I have watched too much home improvement television.

I am willing to take the first step and admit I have a problem. I could make excuses for myself when we actually used to own homes to improve, but now in the cement-block-world of seminary housing why do I continue to watch?

Kevin and I went to Lowe's yesterday to buy a few gardening supplies. The bright blue sign, the hard cement floor, and the smell of fresh cut wood made my project-planner heart flutter in the oversized container store. I could only image my reaction if we had been in a Home Depot. We went straight to the garden center and were in and out the huge sliding doors in 10 minutes and spent less than 10 dollars. But as we made our way to the check out line, my eyes kept wandering to the ceiling fans and paint samples.... oh what a little paint could do for cement blocks.

My compulsion to make thing prettier, to organize, to decorate has been fueled by the countless hours of home improvement shows I have watched, but to what end?

Then it hit me like the smell of fresh paint in a small bathroom.
Why the discontentment?
Why the longing for improvement which usually ends in disillusionment of an unfinished task?

On TV, the over-the-top makeovers are presented by an outside expert, the participant submits to the plan, and then they are off to the races. In 30 frantic minutes all the work is accomplished by the 'team' most of whom are off camera. The job always seems impossible but miraculously it all comes together in the last seconds with amazing results.

I keep waiting for my expert to make a plan and my off camera team to swoop in and help with all the junk of a real life make-over. A heart make-over. Besides my occasional obsession with curtains or paint I have moved past the home improvement phase to my heart improvement phase. For so long I focused on the external world so I would not have to look the shabbiness of my heart (not even shabby chic).

Duct tape, hot glue, and a little fabric will not make the grade here.
There are no short cuts.
There is no off camera team or editing crew to remove the mess ups.

So here in Wilmore, without a house, a yard, or a paint scheme I am working on the hardest make-over of my adult life.