A Paper Problem

It seems like forever since I have sat down and taken the time to post to this blog. However, I have written several posts that have only bounced around the recesses of my mind. Too bad I never made time to capture these thoughts before they dissipated into to do or shopping lists.

Along that vein I have recently been coming to terms with my paper problem. I currently have five started journals, one quote book, this under-posted blog, a half used planner, and one notebook for writing ideas. This does not count the myriad of individual papers tucked here and there, inside books, my planner, and stacked to look at later. I am not satisfied with a technology based communication model. I love the feel of paper, the smell of opening a book, and the soothing glide of a pencil across the page (the spelling challenged like myself always use pencils).

So what have I done to get control of this madness? Why, I have bought a new journal--it will really work this time, or so I have been chanting to myself over and over to will it to be true.

These are the moments when I envy the self discipline of my husband and battle the inner dialogue of failure that comes so naturally to me.

Since my mom passed away I have come to realize there was so much about her I didn't know. One day, I want Cavender to have both the memories of our own life conversations, and the scraps of my own mental ramblings for her to process as she will.

Besides the way my memory is declining, probably due to the number of Diet Cokes I drink, I better collect what few creative moments I have left.

In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue

I love history. I have always loved history. I was one of those nerdy kids who read my social studies book cover to cover by about the second week of school.

What was and has been, has always fascinated me. I love to visit places where people have been reliving the human drama for a long time. I can feel the heaviness of so many souls. Such places give me goose bumps. I would have been a history major in college if it weren't for all the dates. I love history but not numbers and somehow the two are perpetually connected-- it is the timelines.

A good timeline will go a long way in making order out of a complex idea/world, but I struggle with all the numbers. I had an assignment at one point while pursuing my Masters that asked me to create a comprehensive timeline of the literature of my life. It was like one long mix tape of novels with a verbal annotation between songs. Needless to say it was a difficult but enlightening task as I re-walked my life path focusing only on the books I carried with me on the journey.

I remember a time when my own personal timeline was defined by positive life experiences. The Christmas we went skiing as a family, my first summer at Camp Glisson, the summer I went on a mission trip to New Mexico, the Interim I spent in Honduras, the semester I lived in Amsterdam, the youth BBQ when Kevin and I started dating, our wedding, and so on and so on. These sort of life moments served as the the vertical markers on my horizontal life that when labeled said, "something good and important happened here-- remember this."

In the past few days I have been thinking of my updated timeline and the definitions have seemed to shifted more to the negative, with a few notable exceptions. Now it looks more like: the summer my mother was diagnosed with cancer, the fall of Cavender's birth, the winter I finally had to drop out of my Masters program, the New Year's Day my father had a stroke, the summer I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, and so on and so on.

God is good. Life is good.
It has taken me awhile to see that each negative has brought something good into my life.
Besides it is my timeline-- it reflects what I am living. I am choosing to reflect the light and not the dark. I know there will be more times when I will stop and say, "something good and important happened here-- remember this."

Fired up for behavior modification!

As most of you know Kevin and I have been big supporters of the Babywise parenting philosophy even before we had Cavender. Although we have adapted and adjusted some of the ideas to better fit our personalities, the Babywise concepts have served as the foundation for our parenting.

So when Cavender recently began her tantrums and tirades we turned to our faithful guide (after we recovered from the shock of her behavior!). Onto book 3... or is it 4?

Kevin, now being the reader in the family, has already finished the book and has written out a list of areas we need to improve in our communication with Cavender. I am a little behind but so far completely agree with him in the areas where we need to make our 'next steps'. Just when I seem to think we have it all figured out Cavender always sets me straight by immediately entering into a new development phase.

Couch Time, Reduction of Decision Making Freedoms, and Direct Verbal Commands... here we come!

Let the adventure begin!